So what just happened
Need time to figure it out
But I have been good
True to yourself you have not
Who am I and where am I
Your heart will not lie to you
– James
I started the new year, 2020, unemployed. That January I was already three months into my job search, feeling the stress for sure. I was also entering my 65th year on this planet. So, on top of trying to find my next gig I was also feeling that time was up and ageism was now my new nemesis. Being unemployed was nothing new, I had experienced that situation many times in the past. However, I always had a sense of optimism, that the next job would be better than the last. My job search was always like finding the next adventure or the next mission. Sort of like the Jim Phelps character in the 1960s TV series Mission Impossible. Before accepting his next assignment, Jim Phelps would always listen to a taped recorded message …” your mission Jim, should you decide to accept it…” There was never any doubt, he would always accept the mission. Well that was my mindset. Generally, there was always a next mission and it would present itself in weeks not months. This time it was different.
Fast forward, I started my new job June 1, 2020, quite the journey for sure. I never thought I would be throwing out the old script and embarking on a new path to self-realization. A new chapter, yes, but more than that I sensed a real shift towards a different vision of reality and purpose in life. I’m not sure how this will all shake out in the coming weeks, months, and years, but I feel compelled to write about it. That’s why I started this blog, to share my journey and connect with others who may be experiencing the same thing.
Anyone who knows me knows I love watching tv. I can binge watch with the best of them. A recent series I watched was Dispatches from Elsewhere. I felt a real connection with several of the characters and could relate to their journey. In the season finale, the lead character Peter ended with a self-reflective narrative on his life. He said and I’m paraphrasing –
“I used to think I could do anything, then I lost that part of myself
So I went on this search and didn’t always know what I was looking for
or even why exactly
I don’t know if I found myself exactly again, or if it is something new
But I want to write about it”
In Search of James 